“Who” is my new soul mate?

I bought a couple of coy fish to fill my need for a soul mate. I am quite happy to have fish to come home too. Much easier than a man, they require very little upkeep, don’t talk back or steal the covers. This was a major decision in my life after my 30 day experiment of trying to attract a soulmate. I got a note from Sarah, my son’s girlfriend saying maybe I an attacking them instead of attracting them. Amused, I think I will agree. No longer will I search I have the best mates now!

The beautiful solid red one I named “President Hu” (pronounced who) after my Chinese leader in Beijing. The half black and white with a touch of red is called “Oba-mao.” Yes, that is a socialist party joke in China, the name of my American leader in Washington DC, with the Chinese red ‘Mao’ attached to the end.

With in three hours Hu was not happy with Obamao and was floating on his back. Not a good sign for my Chinese leader. With much sadness I scoped his lifeless body from the lovely fishbowl with the airplane plant flopped on top. A salute to a short life well lived, and flush there he goes down the toilet. Easy come, easy go, Hu! Obamao, the socialist fish seems quite content to blow bubbles and swim in his private spa overlooking this great city. He seems happy to see me when I walk in the door. A wink from his big black eyes and I know who my soul mate really is!

30 days and do I have a soul mate?

Today was the finale to my 30 day experiment in finding a soul mate. You ask, how did it turn out? Can’t really give you a solid answer. I will say after three beers with my British colleagues Micheal and Johnathan, I don’t really care nor did I have a mate that appeared out of thin air.

For those of you that are wondering what I am talking about, a month ago I had this very complex dream. (Read “Finding a Soul Mate” blog) It was like a vision with directions on how to find a soul mate. I even illustrated it. Instructions were to visualize my positive attributes out of my head like little feelers. As each one appeared I said an “I am a _____” quality to manifest the wonderful things I had in me and I wanted in return in a man. I did this twice a day for 30 days and today my soul mate should appear. I did exactly that! Now did any one appear in a chariot to carry me away? Well no! But I will say it has been an interesting day. I got a couple of interesting emails from some nice men and then I had lunch and afternoon beers with a few more. So do I have a soul mate, probably not today! I did ponder buying a fish, and may do that tomorrow to fill the void or maybe a turtle, instead.

I want you to know I am not giving up. I think patience is a key here! I just need to wait it out. I have sent all my good energy into the universe and hopefully it will connect with the same right energy, then kick his booty my way.

I also had a dream about the shoes he wears, so am keeping an eye out for those shoes. (Read “The Mysterious man in the Black Shoes” blog) Won’t it be interesting if the guy just walks into my life wearing those shoes? What a hoot that will be. Could totally just make my day!

So if you are out to win me over, you better wear the right pair of shoes and understand the attractions of soul mates. If not, don’t worry I am still your friend. If you are my family, forgive me for being crazy in China!

Anger or Happiness, which will it be?

Anger! Ever just get so angry you could yell, scream, spit? Well I’ve been thinking about anger and how it affects a person whether you are the receiver of the anger or the mad man dishing it out!

Anger is something I haven’t seen too much of in China or experienced in the office. Yet the other day I had a person just dump a load of emotional drama on me. He felt the need to tell me why he disliked women in a most rude and disgusting fashion. I found I needed to stand up and say “Hey don’t talk like that to me”, and you know what happened…. “He said I insulted him!” Whew isn’t that interesting? So when you stand up and say you don’t want to hear that kind of language you are insulting the person throwing it out of their mouth. Needless to say that was the end of that relationship.

Yelp I just moved on. It became clear this was a “red flag” and one should steer clear of this person. Some people are mad at the world, at their choices in life, their relationships from the past, and they can’t seem to bury the hatchet and find peace, love and new relationships that are meaningful. Thank god for that lesson and the blessing of seeing an angry person that is no longer taking up space in my life.

Life is full of happiness, sunshine, great students and wonderful meaningful relationships. I am so glad I can see the good from the bad, and even better to leave the bees nest alone. We all have lessons to learn, mine is to stay away from angry men.

My students on a photography shoot yesterday and these are the happy moments in my life!

Xuyi-Crawfish Capital of China


Xuyi is a town just north of Nanjing and considered the crawfish capital of China. I was invited on an overnight trip with five of my colleagues to socialize with parents of one of our 11th grade students’. The drive leaving Nanjing took an hour on recently paved toll-roads. Our destination a grand hotel, next to the river. The rooms had claw foot tubs, a treat for me. We started with a typical Chinese dinner of many assorted dishes of meats and as a surprise half was vegetarian. I cannot tell you how many different kinds of vegetables the Chinese prepare that I have never heard of. Crawfish was the main entrĂ©e, including large red bibs for all! Baijiu (pronounced bi-joe) is the typical ever-clear liquor at 80-120 proof, we are served to salute each other thorough out dinner. I chose a nice red wine from Chile instead. Dinner is long always over two hours with many toasts going on while we eat.

Saturday we took a hike into the hills around Xuyi. Hiking in China is very different than the US. Here many folks like to walk, in long lines up and down the mountains. Therefore the Chinese pave a walkway throughout the hills, to the Buddhist temple, the peacock holding area, the archery area and little tea house. I found a fun gun range and shot a laser rifle at balloons. The Zorn boys would be proud of their Annie Oakley mom as I shot and killed many colorful balloons. The true Texas did come out at that moment! The Buddhist temple was lovely with smoke wafting above our heads from the incense. Ascending the flights of stairs, there are three temples to pass through. Upon reaching the top, there is a wonderful elevated golden laughing fifteen foot Buddha as the finale. Interesting how three is a spiritual number in many beliefs.

Lastly lunch at a waterfront cafe overlooking the lake at the bottom of the foot hills. More crawfish, baijui, a dish of hedge hog, and eggs that once cracked have a boiled baby chicken in them. (yes I about threw up!) Thank goodness, they always order half veggie dishes. As we are leaving our host, the architect and his wife gave each teacher a huge box of assorted Chinese processed foods. They are very interesting bags of stuff I can’t eat or even want to try, but I am very thankful for this lovely weekend, good friends and fresh air.

A Carriage Relationship

Relationships!

When I read the book “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert concerning marriage I began to think what constitutes a good relationship. Here I am in China, pretty much by myself pondering the art of a good marriage. After three marriages I want to know why my relationships with men don’t work. I do not want to be married right now, or maybe not ever again. It is why did mine fall apart? Elizabeth Gilbert says the government and the church should not be the binding contract in a marriage. It should be the two people involved in the relationship. No matter what happens the government or church has set rules to control your marriage. When the break up happens, a contract is broken, and the government gets their greedy hands on everyones money to finalize the ending. Is it right that our private intimate commitment be controlled by others?

Looking at the word “Marriage”, the first part is Marry– or merry. Was I merry in my marriage? Certainly at this point I would say no, it ended and I am not merry. Therefore I have come to the conclusion, I want something different and it will be a “Carriage.” It is a commitment of sorts where one partner carries the other in good and bad. I carry you when you can’t carry your self and you carry me when I can’t. Picture a rickshaw, one person walking and carrying the other. Both could walk, or switch and the other can be carried. I suppose both could sit in the seats, but it will go no where. Maybe this is where mine ended. When I needed carrying, my partner jumped in the seat next to me and refused to walk and carry me. Caring for me is very necessary in my new love relationships. Care for me and I will care for you. This is my new quest: to find a “Carriage” relationship. Nothing hard, just need for both parties to know how it works. I want all my relationships to be like this especially with that one special man, whoever he is.

Many of you know I am working on a 30 day soul mate experiment. The blog called “Finding a soul mate” will explain in detail my quest to find the right soul for me. In five days it will conclude. Maybe he will appear in a horse drawn “carriage”, a rickshaw or not at all. But I think something will happen, I have faith.

Then again I might just go buy a fish.

Me and Tai Chi

I decided to learn Tai Chi! I joined the retired teachers early morning Tai Chi class. These are Chinese who get up at the crack of dawn and practice their Tai Chi on the basketball courts in front of the school. One morning when I went to work early I noticed them. I was fortunate a Chinese English teacher translated so I could speak with them and join their group. Four little old Chinese women, one sweet elderly man, me the crazy American and the master complete our group. It is so relaxing and fun to learn this art from people who cannot talk to me. I just follow along. On occasion the master will show me the steps without words just a emphasis on breath and strength of movement. These sweet little old people are just so attentive to me and really caring. My spot is in the center so I can follow, my colleague says I am like the “teddy bear” in the middle.

It is nice to have so many around me and to care for me. Maybe a lesson in my unending path of life.

Doing some research I found tai chi means the “supreme ultimate” in Taoism and Neo-Confucianism, from Chinese tai “extreme” + ji “limit.” The form of martial arts training (said to have been developed by a priest in the Sung dynasty, 960-1279) is first attested 1962, in full, tai chi ch’uan , with Chinese quan “fist.”

All I can say is more Taoism and Confucianism for me! I love it.

“You can’t take the fixing out of the girl”

This healing experience I am doing, there is one thing I have learned about me: “You can take the girl out of the fixing, but you can’t take the fixing out of the girl.” Here I am in China, far away from all my problems and I still rehash my co-dependent tendencies. This time I am learning how to ask for what I need. I’ve had a couple of opportunities in the last few days to work through those reoccurring issues. Learning to ask for what you need is really a difficult test for me. Ann Sauve and I had a good skype talk and she helped me clarify my new needs as a recovering co-dependent. She too has those co-dependent issues and has happily worked through hers. Her sweet husband Pete, will notice when she is “clamming up” and unhappy. He then prompts her to tell him what she needs. They have worked through the beginning speed bumps in the road of their relationship. She is a master at recognizing this problem and helping me see it. I never expected she would be teaching me how to recover.

Today I took time out for just me, and sat on my 28th floor balcony over looking Nanjing to soak up the polluted sun rays. I am the only one in town in a tank top, flip flops and a pair of mustard colored ladybug boys boxer shorts enjoying a sun tan Sunday! Me and my sudoko book, thinking and working number puzzles. I think too much. I try to fix things in my mind and it spills over into fixing men! I have a post-it note on my kitchen wall to remind me– “I am such a good cook, I can take anything and make it into something, except MEN!” I can’t fix men, I tried in a past relationship, but not anymore. They can fix themselves now. No, it is just me in this life of “singlehoodness,” and like Ann I ask those around me to help more. Today someone did just that and said “Tell me what you want.” Wow, I like that option. Yes, it made me feel like he cared about me and my needs. I am looking for that now in everyone I meet, especially men. A man that is strong enough to understand who he is and be genuinely interested in my well-being. Now wouldn’t that be the perfect mix?

If you are wondering how I am doing, then ask me. If I am quiet, seem confused, or just plain losing it then just ask me what I need. I need to speak up and tell you. It is how I am fixing this girl!

Tomb Sweeping Holiday


We have a three day holiday, not your typical long weekend with Monday off. This holiday the Chinese all work on Saturday to have Tuesday off. So here it is Tuesday morning and I don’t have to work. A tomb sweeping holiday is exactly that, the family go to the tombs to care for them. They take gold paper, representing money, pictures of a nice home, car and computer with a bottle of wine. The papers are burned and the wine poured around the tomb. The ancestors would receive these gifts in the guise of smoke to create a nice place to live, money and a new car in their heavenly space. Now days people are cremated, so these tombs are their grandparents and even further back. It reminds me of my mother going to Restland to polish my dads tombstone. It is very sweet and gives you a feeling of caring for our dead relatives. Honestly, I like the idea of cremation, it doesn’t take up space in the ground and with our every growing population, maybe the logical answer.

Therefore do you believe in life after death? Do you think we reincarnate? Has your soul been on earth before? Do you ever think what is it you are doing on earth? For me, I wonder why people die young like my son Andy. It brings home the sadness of being alone or without this wonderful man in my life. Whether you are Christian, Buddhist or just a spiritual person, we all care about our family, whether dead or alive. Tomb sweeping is a nice traditional to carry on, taking a day off and remembering.

My philosophy is we are old souls, coming and going through the school of life, here on earth. We try different combinations of family experiences when we incarnate. We have family groupings and may be a mom one time and a son the next. We experience being poor and struggling or being wealthy and having it all. We learn about different skills like painting, or fixing a car to teaching and being a doctor. We learn compassion, caring for another or we can learn to hate, fight and kill. I think we are given choices before we incarnate and get to experience what we chose. Since we are living on a planet of matter with yin and yang or positive and negative, I believe to experience a specific positive outcome we are given a negative lesson. You might join the army and kill to understand the compassion for children left homeless and wives without husbands. You might be the homeless child and grow up without a family to experience lack and compassion in a different way. There are so many scenarios and possible learning lessons. Think about your life, what is your learning lesson? Figuratively, where are you in life? What are you ignoring, and what lesson continues to repeat itself to you countless times, to get your attention? Are you learning your lessons or avoiding them?

I walked for two hours yesterday along and on top of the great city wall of Nanjing, it was made during the Ming Dynasty. It is old and tall containing bricks with calligraphy signatures of who built it. Up high you can see the city and along the footpath below were thousands of Chinese enjoying a beautiful spring day with their families. I miss my family. I watched children building sand castles, couples kissing, old ladies singing, old men hobbling along with canes and spiting. Young couples were photographing their children in the backdrop of flowering trees, some children had colorful animated balloons. The most surprising thing, I saw an old man leaning on the wall sunning himself, with his pants unzipped exposing himself. What was this about? I noticed people would ignore him and walk on, so did I. What is his lesson?

All of these people have a reason to be here, each with their own lesson. Think about your life, what your station in life is, where you are and what you are doing. Then ask yourself, what is my lesson?

If you would like to share it, please reply, I am curious.

Am I really a Gypsy in the Ukraine?

Last night in a haze of boredom, I got on a dating site in search for the ever allusive male. Instead of searching for the “bubba” of my life, I went to the test section. After two hours of taking at least a dozen tests I have come up with who I am and what I need.

I started with some simple tests — like What Country Do You Belong In, and low and behold I should be in the Ukraine! Confusing, I thought till I took more tests and unraveled the real mystery to my quest. I took the Philosophy test and found I relate most to Edmund Husserl the father of phenomenology! Yes, you read that right, phenomenology! And you ask what the hell is that? Simply the disciplined study of the human experience. I can so relate! My Taste In Art test shows I am a non-conformist, a visionary, and independent. Yes well we all know that! Then for fun I took the Angel test to see which one I am most attracted to and it came up with Archangel Jeremiel, whom I have never heard of. Seems he appears to clarify our visions and help our dreams become lucid. He is there when you are taking an inventory of your life. Now who is in China figuring out her life and just had a dream/vision about how to attract a soul-mate? Clarify Jeremiel, clarify!

On to the Perception Personality test, and I am a trailblazer, a lover of nature looking for the little hidden treasures in life and how that is effected by the details of life. I am Aphrodite in the Greek God test, now that got a bit scary. Then lastly and the most important test, the Reincarnation Placement test! When I come back where is the most likely point of placement? Yes, the Gypsy Camp! I will be placed with a hardy gypsy family, where at last I will fit in! The road my home, the horses my family, dancing before I can walk and I can wear shiny things! Here I will find my oasis of compatibility in an unbalanced world. After reading this I know all is right in my world.

Just for grins I took the What Kind of Man Turns You On and to my surprise it is an exotic bad-ass! Yes the masculine Greek god, exotic and mysterious type and a total bad-ass! Kind of a shocker, looking out of this conservative sweet facade. Then it flashed before my eyes, what kind of men did I marry? Well yes, the bass-asses or bad asses or ass-aholics, all one in the same! And maybe I need to look for something a bit different in the Ukraine! I googled the Ukraine and low and behold it is the home of the gypsies!

Does someone see a meaning here? I do, but then I am being phenomenological!

Andy-The Crazy Glue that holds us together!


Traditions! It is 6 pm on March 24th in the United States, and all my children, family and all Andy’s friends are eating at Red Lobster in memory of him on his 31st birthday. I had my dinner out 13 hours ago, at 6 pm here in China at a German pub called “Golden Hans.”

The dinner tradition started when Andy was 12. It was his wish to always go to Red Lobster and order shrimp, crabs and a lobster. He would order the most expensive dish and proceed to eat it all! Ever year since then I would take him out on his birthday. Randy reminded me of the last time we shared Andy’s birthday was in Plano at the Red Lobster on Central Expressway. Grand-maw had a diabetic attack and Kyle had a hypoglycemic attack. It was hilarious, a day all of us remember and still laugh about. Andy just wanted his lobster!

I spent last evening with my colleagues Jonathan, his wife Liwei, Alice, her husband Sawyer and Peter. The six of us enjoyed a wonderful long evening chatting about antics I remembered about Andy. Peter and Jonathan ordered a tower of dark beer in memory! Skewers of meat arrived at the table, from pork, chicken, wings, tongue, beef, shrimp, sausage, and assorted other things I did not know. I laughed thinking how Andy would have a fork in one hand and a knife in the other saying “Bring it on!” and complaining the beer glasses were too small, the size of a shot glass! He has a big smile on his face.

It was a lovely evening, first time in a long time, I felt at home in a far away place. I love my family and I love my friends here and there. I am now waiting to see photos on Facebook of all the dinners in America.

Cheers to Andy, the crazy glue that holds us together!